p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
