i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
