Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
