Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
