Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she looked like the before picture.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think your dad took our porno
Randomize
