i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
