Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My bed smells like the plague
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