I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
