it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
