sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
