I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
