just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
