just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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