I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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