Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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