yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
