At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
