AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
