you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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