Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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