last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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