the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
