I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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