What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
