My sheets look like a crime scene.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
