YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
