sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
