I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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