The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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