Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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