My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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