So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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