Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
