You really coming over, don't trick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
