We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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