I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
