i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
