escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
