oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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