P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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