stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
