getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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