i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
