I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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