i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
