That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
