her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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