Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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