I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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