1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
