I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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